Monday, December 8, 2014

Harbormaster

I was in a harbor, but the harbor looked like a set piece - fake and glassy.  There were boats docked around, and everything was pretty calm. I had to look over the ship manifests. There were a few cats around, big fluffy cats. I found one under the water, and pulled it out. It was waterlogged. I pressed on its stomach, and some water spouted out of its mouth. I pressed again, and worried that I would have to give the cat MMR. The cat coughed, and came back to life. I was relieved.

All around the harbor were steps floating on the water, like bridges. Walking on them was tricky.

There was a dispute between two families. A young couple wanted to be married. She was poor and the boy was noble. The father of the noble son said something disparaging about the girl's wealth, and the girl's father was insulted. They started shouting at each other, but the girl's family was near the dock and the boy's family was at the top of a tall staircase. I had to run back and forth to keep them appeased. I remember feeling overworked and slightly helpless, because while both families did as I told them, they were also not really listening to me.

I was frantically flipping pages on a clipboard, when S arrived. He said that he had spoken with the families, that they weren't angry anymore, and that everything was going to be alright. Then he held me for five full minutes, and I felt incredibly at peace.

---

I woke up feeling calm for a little while, before the worries of the day set in.

Having reflected on it, I think my dream setting was a muted version of that harbor city in The Neverending Story 2 - wow I haven't seen that movie in perhaps fifteen years.

Thursday, November 13, 2014

Armor, War, and Whales

I was lounging on a riverbank (?) - I feel like there was a body of water around anyway. And scattered trees. It was sunny, around noon, and there was a picnic. I was eating and walking with a group of friends - I think there were two women and two men. There was another man, and I liked him very much.

There was a television or a computer - we were watching movies? There was something technological around us.

Then there was a pastel painting which was alive - or one of those painted decorative plates. It described the kingdom in which I lived, about how we had magic goats or the goats were symbols of our country. On the plate there was a king, and goats, and a rather pretty little forest and pasture scene.  The plate started to change, as did the scene. The goats started to die - it was an attack by a neighboring kingdom. The king would go to war.

There was a box I had to find, sent to me. It was my uniform - I had duties I needed to do. It was like waking up reluctantly. I opened the box, and pulled out a pair of harem pants, purple, and a burgundy overskirt. There was armor - dusty scale mail inlaid with red (or blue - I think it sort of changed to blue bubble shapes). I donned my armor, and my fancy hat, and the scene changed and I was in a sort of cathedral. The other people in my group were there, and we were presenting ourselves to the king. First the oldest two children - the high prince and high princess. I remember she had beautiful brown hair and a regal top hat offset on her hair. Then me - I was not a princess, but I had a title - I was a war commander, or a horse commander, but my title did not include commander. After me came the younger children - the other prince and princess. We bowed and vowed to fight.

There were horses and knights, moving through the cathedral which was also a castle now. It was maze-like, and I moved with authority.

Meanwhile (? - I'm not sure if this was still me, or another part of the dream sequence) someone destroyed the great aquarium. The great aquarium was a colossal structure of blue glass and blue water, stretching along the horizon line and hundreds of feet high. A woman stood on a cliff face and watched as the glass shattered. The great whale which lived in the giant tubular structure got stuck, and would surely die.The water cascaded out into the desert landscape. The woman turned to a man at her side, and they would go to war as well. There was chaos below.

I think I might have been below while things were breaking. I can't recall, but I feel like there was great shock and despair, and people were running around trying to figure out what to do. The man I liked was there? and we were trying to do...something...maybe were were looking at the fish and the whale...yes, I think we were enjoying the aquarium when it started to break.

Now, I had to fight. Armies were running around, but I got lost. The plates, which told the story I needed to follow, were difficult to understand. I had to find someone - RIGHT I remember now! I had to choose to fight the armies, or go after the wicked sprite queen who killed the goats. She was the mastermind, sort of. I chose to find her, but the plates didn't tell me how. They suggested I needed to run along the wall of plates, back to the start, to figure out where I was supposed to go to find her. Meanwhile, armies were moving through the halls of the castle.

I rounded a corner, and found the enemy in blue - or red. I remember feeling confused as to why the colors kept switching. There was a cheer as I found the first of the enemy - a toddler. This little baby boy sat in the middle of the hallway, dressed in little armor, holding a very sharp knife in his hand. He was waving it around like a toy. The other side arrived, and everyone watched and gossiped about what I would do. I approached the baby, and my side cheered that I would kill it, but they were also worried I would kill it. I crouched down by the baby and took a hold of the knife.

"Now then, why don't you give me that?" I cooed. The baby smiled and released the blade. Everyone laughed. I didn't know what I was supposed to do next, so I set the blade down and explained I had to go. I went back to searching for the correct story on the plates.


****

I really enjoyed this dream. There was a lot of movement, and the costumes were great.

There was a transition of sorts, from a technological era to a more primitive one - the exception being the giant aquarium.

I think, now, perhaps, that I was someone on both sides of the fight. My armor was red in the first, but then I didn't attack the blue-armored people when I saw them. I got confused as to who was who.

The plate thing was interesting - it was like knowing ahead of time what the plot was, but having the plot be difficult to locate. I remember reading these decorative plates, which would say "she needed to go to this hallway!" only to go the hallway and not find what I needed. Then I'd find a plate which said "She had to go to the dark woods!" But I didn't know how to get there.

Also, I know I am forgetting something about the people. There was a lot of talking, but I know I'm forgetting an interaction with one of the characters early on which was important. Such is the nature of dreams, of course.

Monday, October 27, 2014

Larvae

Ok, this was just a repeated dream image, manifested different ways.

In essence, I dreamed of larvae. Tiny, maggoty larvae the size of rice on the floor. My hand hung off the bed, just above them. They were crawling on something, but I don't remember what. There weren't many of them, and they were concentrated at a spot near/under my bed. At one point I thought they were inside my pillow.

This might explain why my pillow was in the middle of the floor when I woke up.

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

End of the World (again)

I had another End of the World dream:

Out in space, there is a floating infinity loop object - spinning. It's white but also a little golden. A man (soldier?) reached out to touch the loop. I did not think this was a good idea, but I did not try to stop him. The loop changed shape, into a sort of D shape, and the star behind the shape started to grow big and glow.  I tried to warn the man not to mess with the object, but he touched it again. This time...I think it turned into a cube or a wooden block of some sort, but it changed again. This started the end of the universe.

The scene changed to a campus. A two or three story school with a science lab and chain link fence all around the outside. It was drizzling. There were soldiers - SWAT team style - in the science lab. Everyone was barking orders and hustling about, but there was an air of confusion. I knew I needed a Kevlar vest, and my kit. Outside, there were schoolkids, but there were zombies as well. Or something like zombies. I had to navigate the school, through hallways and around the fence. I did not want to be seen.

At one point, I distinctly remember getting exasperated by everyone else's fear. I found my cache of stakes - cherry wood. They were beautiful I thought - and I stabbed a bunch of zombies in the head. I was satisfied that I had thought to make the stakes ahead of time.

Then there was a horse and cart on a set of old-fashioned train tracks. The campus changed into a city, and the city was being evacuated because a cataclysm was about to happen. I ran and ran, and then I realized I had left my kit back in the science lab. I was frightened I'd get left behind. There was a lot of yelling, and I think my commander was making fun of me.  I hopped onto a cart and my team made it to the last spaceship. The men where yelling for everyone to hurry up. I begged for them to wait for me, and told them I had to go back. One of the men said ok, and I hugged him and thanked him and took off running. I rode another cart back, and took a car or a bus. I didn't have much time.

----


This time the end of the world was full of cliches. I've dreamt of the apocalypse as coming from Heaven, and of great sheets of fire or water, but this dream was full of military and zombie cliches. Except perhaps for that spinning white gold object from the beginning. That piece set everything in motion.

Also of note: Actor Merle Rooker and Actress Kara Thrace were characters in my dream - the former was at the end of the dream as one of the military leaders, the latter was in the science lab with the SWAT team.

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Highland Disappointment

I was in a bucolic landscape which I deemed Scotland. The sun was setting, and the air was clean but slightly hazy, as though everything was just slightly out of focus. There was a large gathering of people, all getting ready to work. There was a man I liked, who liked me in turn.

I ran up a hill, and people laughed and yelled that I would be tired. But I didn't get tired. I charged up the hill in a chubby person's gait, yet I felt exhilarated. I tumbled down the other side of the hill and landed just shy of some mud. The man I liked (I never gave him a name), followed me down the hill, and landed in the mud. I laughed and laughed, and while at first he thought I was being mean, he quickly realized I was just happy, and he started laughing as well.

The group (I guess they'd be a Clan) kept moving, through fields of tall wheat. The sun had set and a bright night followed. I spoke with the Man in gentle conversation, and we were both full of flirty witticisms. Then the work began.

I was standing near some bleachers where two African American women sat. They were commenting on the Man, and how sexy he was. I agreed, and in a third person way I knew I was supposed to be jealous, or protective, but I wasn't. Work continued, and as I walked around I realized I was no longer in the Highlands. I was in a sort of dark warehouse, industrial. There were children's rooms - like a giant, abandoned children's daycare. The group was here too, but they seemed more concerned with moving forward than staying and working.

I found a young girl there - she was grubby looking. I told her we'd get some clothes for her, and started walking.

Not too far in the distance, I saw a lit room filled with a ball pit. In the ball pit were the Man and one of the women from the bleachers. They were having frantic sex with each other, and my stomach dropped down further in my guts. I turned and led the girl away so that she wouldn't see them. But the Man and the bleacher's woman saw me. She was unashamed, but got dressed when the Man did. They both followed after me.

The woman got confrontational, demanding to know if I wanted to fight, how nothing was her fault, taunting me about what she'd done. The Man did not apologize - he didn't want me telling the rest of the group.

I walked on in silence in total melancholy.


----


That's how I woke up - I felt completely defeated. This has got to be one of my least favorite dreams of late. Not a nightmare - no fear, no unease, just a profound sadness. I'm not sure which is worse, having wrote that. Perhaps waking up feeling depressed is worse than waking up scared, because it stays with you in a different part of your brain.

Why did my dream start of so wonderfully? And why did my subconscious betray me like that and leave me to wake up sad at my imaginary boyfriend, at a loss I've never experienced?

Saturday, June 28, 2014

Catching Up

I've had dreams. I promise. Here are two dreams I've had. Now that I can get to this website again (internet issue), I can update!

Two Snakes Under a Table



There was a yellow snake on the ground – like an albino anaconda with a cobra’s head. It slithered around and I was frightened of it and tried to get away. There was a table, and I climbed on it. Then there was a small, thin snake. It was bright green, and it fought the large yellow cobra snake. I hid on top of the table. When I looked down, the large yellow snake was dead. The little green snake was raising itself towards me. It looked expectantly at me, and I saw that it was bit on the side. Blood welled from two fang marks on its side.

I understood it was asking for help, since it had helped me.


--------


Immigrants



I was in a place that reminded me of my hometown, but the river was wrong. And my house was along a drainage ditch. The door was unlocked and I was nervous. I went into my house and found an Asian family there. They were illegally there – not just trespassing, but illegal immigrants. I told them I was calling the police. 

“No!” They said. “We have documentation!” I said alright, and asked them to show me their papers. They gave me a bunch of photocopies of my face pasted onto official documents. I was enraged that they had stolen my information, my face, and I called the police. The policeman arrived and arrested the family. They looked at me and were very sad, but I was so angry I did not care.

There was more – families coming out of their houses to watch. More people hiding.


______


I liked that little green snake. I remember how I felt like we were having a conversation, and the expectation in its beady little eyes. Snakes are a species known for emoting anything other than cruelty, but it was nice to have a friendly snake in my dreams again.

As for the immigrant one - that was weird. It didn't start with me feeling anti-immigrant, but I was so angry when they tried to use my own face to get into my house.  I wonder what this signifies, as in the real world I am not aware of my having animosity toward immigrants.

I have more, but I want to spread these out over a couple of days.





Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Two Dreams: Parallel Universe Beach / Headshot

Dream 1(two nights ago): Parallel Universe Beach

This dream was sort of funny.

I remember I found myself in a beach house with my "family." Outside it was dreary and grey, but the sky was clear. The waves crashing on the beach were large and heavy - it made me think of northern California, with bigger waves.

I thought about swimming.

Jeff Bridges was there - he was like the owner of the house. I asked him what was going on, and he explained that we were in another dimension. I asked if we were dead, and he said "sort of." He also said that I could go back to my home whenever I wanted, but that most people didn't ever want to leave. He suggested I go try the water.

I did - the ocean was warm and the waves didn't knock me about like I thought they would. They sort of rolled around me, and there were people in the water. Everyone was content, except I thought it felt a little off. I couldn't explain it, but the whole situation didn't feel right to me. I went to round up my family. They were floating all over the place.


----



Dream 2 (last night) : Headshot

Remember one section of this dream:

First, we were playing some sort of dodgeball, except we were making our own balls out of wet clay. We hadn't started playing, but I knew that if we threw the clay balls at people they would hurt. And we weren't all people, exactly. The guy next to me had big red robot arms, and there was a talking pony on the other team. I wasn't sure I wanted to play, but then we were throwing things at each other.

I wanted to get out of the game, so I started jogging across the court. I saw someone mold a tennis ball disk of wet clay. I knew they were going to throw it at me, and I knew it would hurt. I watched the person (or maybe it was that pony) lob that lump of clay at me. It sped through the air - I could see it in slow motion heading for my temple. And then it struck me in the temple- hard. It hurt, and I fell to the ground. I became acutely aware that I had the choice of pretending like I had been knocked out cold, or opening my eyes and getting to my feet.

Acting more hurt would get them to stop the game, so I kept my eyes closed - sort of. I was also aware that I might actually be knocked out. I couldn't get my perspectives in order - I didn't know if I was in my own head or watching me.

"Guys! ****s been hit!" A female voice said in alarm. A dragon (?) carried me off to a cot to rest. I came to later and everyone had scattered all over the court.

I was different - I did not feel like myself. I felt angrier - like if something else went wrong I'd snap.

I got up and walked around, and someone threw something at me again. It hit me in the back, and I saw a cartoon pony - like from My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic - bright red. The "camera" zoomed in on his eye, which turned the angriest, raging cartoon yellow. I was frightened of him/myself (?)

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

A Nightmare

Please note: this nightmare deals with some pretty disturbing imagery. It's one of the limited times I also remember the dialogue, which is probably the most disturbing part. I debated putting it up at all, except it's been eating at me all morning I feel the need to put it down into writing to help expel it from my mind.  If you are sensitive, you might be better off skipping this entry and reading some of my less violent dreams.

From what I remember:

The dream started in a sort of modern restaurant or club - glass bars, soft purple lighting, long stemmed narrow flutes. I was at dinner - but I didn't want to be - with a group of people. In the group was the leader, who looked and acted like Hans Magnussen (from the Sherlock Holmes series on BBC). He was waiting for me to drop something off - a grocery cart? - and I realized that I wanted to kill him.

I slipped away from the table and left the restaurant, which was in a strange sort of mall. Across the way was a beauty store, and running alongside the restaurant was a stage door to a French theater. I went inside to steal a knife. Once I was inside and I had to find my way though this massive backstage area. There was a housekeeper who did not pay attention to me, and a man giving a wolfhound a bath in a large glass shower. The man was beautiful but odd looking - he was too tall and thin, and his hair was deep purple and swept back from his head like a wave. The wolfhound was thin too, and it was colored like a peacock. The man looked at me and smiled. I wanted to go to him, but I could not. I kept searching for a weapon.

Time was pressing on me - I had to find a weapon soon, or go back. In my mind, I planned what I would do. It had to be a knife, or an awl. I would stab the evil man in the neck, once on each side of the throat, and run. He wouldn't be able to catch me. The scene replayed several times - I would cut his throat, or stab him. Always in the arteries - I knew that was the only way to be sure he would not live.

I wasn't able to find what I needed, so I went back to the table. I laughed and smiled and acted like things were fine, even though I was terrified and nervous. I moved to the next table over, which only had women at it. From out of nowhere, my Great Grandmother was there. She grabbed my hand in hers - it was warm and solid and dry.

"****, don't go with that man." She said. She said it so powerfully I felt the words in my bones.
"Don't worry, I won't," I said gently. I was going to kill him before we left the restaurant.

I left again, back to the theater. This time I found a wall of tools, but none of them were sharp enough. All the awls had rounded tops, and all the screwdrivers were too big. I dug around - it had to be sharp, and small enough to hide. I couldn't take a hammer or anything big. He'd see me and kill me. He'd know my intentions. I wanted to go back up the stairs, but the theater was closing and they had put up the alarm system - a series of delicate red threads all over the place. It would take too long for me to climb through them. The man would get suspicious.

I went back to the table, and kept talking. The man was trying to talk to me, but everything he said meant something else and I was getting so afraid. I had nothing with which to kill him. He didn't know that's what I was planning, however. I knew it for certain - he believed I was stupid, and weak, and simple-minded. I took the grocery cart and pushed it to the theater one last time, and searched in vain for a pocket knife. I had nothing when the man called my name. He was waiting at the junction of the restaurant, theater, and Sephora.

It was late. He was angry that I was stalling. I said I was only doing what he asked. Another man joined us, in tears. The crying man was broken because the evil man had done something to his family. I felt my heart beating.

"Look what your grandmother gave me, to keep me from hurting you," the evil man said with a sneer. He held up a rumpled paper bag. "Money in a flour bag - how very 'Old Country' of her."
"She's a good woman," I choked out. Every step felt slow, like I was being dragged out of the restaurant to the car waiting for me. It was shiny and beautiful, and a valet had the door open. I had no idea how I was going to kill this man now, since I had not found a weapon. I thought about breaking his nose.

We started to drive. The man in the back seat was still crying gently. We were driving through a sort of mountain range - trees and hills. It was night, but I could see things in the headlights.

The evil man was talking again, slowly and methodically - talking about rape. "There is a great deal of study on the psychological damage suffered by victims. For example you, ***, "and here he ran a finger down my cheek, which made me want to shudder. "I doubt you'll do very well when we're done. But my thinking is different, for it is not enough to simply hurt a person's mind. No, if violence is to be committed it must be committed with a greater intent. My theory is that if broken in a particular place, the mind can no longer look on beauty without revulsion. Look at that beautiful scenery, ****. Think of what it will be like to never look at it again, without thinking of me. Perhaps I'll break your knees as well, for good measure."

I stared out the window - I felt so cold. I looked at the majestic mountains, and to me it seemed that they faded away, until they were only outlines. Like the guidelines in a sticker book, I thought. And I knew all of a sudden where we were driving - the mountain with the staircase all the way to the top. He would rape me on the mountain, and I would never be able to look at them again.

I must kill him, I thought. He does not know I'm strong. Without a weapon, I could only picture as we drove how I would snap his neck by surprise. And then I panicked - what if he broke my knees before hand? What if the crying man in the back seat were to help him?

***

And my alarm clock went off. I woke up suddenly and completely, like I clicked awake.

I wish I knew what this one meant - I wish I understood completely who wishes me harm, who my brain is telling me to avoid.

Unless this is like that dream where I hit the Devil with my car - in which case the dream is about good and evil. I don't know, but it makes me grossly uncomfortable to remember with such clarity the dialogue of this dream. That horrible, calm, monologue. My consolation is that Sherlock Holmes permanently beat Hans Magnussen on the tv show. Maybe I'm terrified of such calculating people - people who are emotionless.

But if there is a silver lining, it would be this: The dream me was intent on defending herself. Finding weapons, fighting, lying - there was a dual-sense of fear and resolve. That I was in a bad situation but I was going to find a way out. And there was no conclusion to the dream. Perhaps that's why I'm bothered - my alarm went off before I had resolution as to whether I succeeded or not.


Wish I knew who the man with the dog was - he exuded welcome and promise.

Nightmares are strange things - I had that bad dream about the scorpion lady and woke up in the middle of the night, whimpering. But I fell back asleep and recognized it was just a bad moment. This dream I woke up, and it didn't go away. It might have been because it was so close to when I wake up normally that I had no time to re-dream, to cover it up with the darkness of sleep.

*shudder* I need a hug.

 

Monday, March 31, 2014

Lion Scorpion

This dream was hazy - I remember I was running through a space. A maze, maybe, but I was not lost.

What I remember is the end.

A large black scorpion attacked me. It was so much bigger than I was - giant. I remember being able to see every detail - the bumps on its back, the shine of its shell. It was beautiful in a terrible way. It had a lion's head, also black and shiny. And it taunted me in a cruel female voice.  She called me weak and clumsy, among other things.

I had a spear, and I stabbed at it, trying to get it away. We fought for some time, and then I stabbed it where the lion's head met the scorpion's body. I pushed against the spear and snapped the head off. Then I was my normal size and the scorpion was small, but the woman's voice was laughing at me. She said something about being wrong, or about having to choose. And I looked down at my leg to see that the headless scorpion body had grabbed my pants or my leg in its claw, and the lion's head was snapping at me. The scorpion tail stabbed me...

***

And I woke up whimpering. In that horrible moment of waking from a nightmare - that half state where you eyes are open but you're still seeing the dream before you, I realized that I was sort of shaking my leg, trying to get the scorpion/lion off me before it stung me.


Huh...

Friday, February 14, 2014

No Visuals

I don't remember anything about this dream, except that the song "Let her Go" by Passenger was playing on repeat.

***

This is not that amazing as far as dreams go. In fact, I'm not sure having an ear worm counts as having a dream. I don't usually remember music when I dream. I might remember dialogue, and I certainly remember images, but music never sticks with me.

I also feel like when something sticks with me, it makes it hard for me to dream until I write it down. I know that I have had other dreams, or other bits of dreams since this one, but I don't remember them because I keep reminding myself to write down that I dreamt of this song. Maybe my conscious can only hold onto one dream fragment at a time.

Also, I have been quite sick with a wicked cold.  I take night time meds to help me sleep through my symptoms, and then my dreams (if I am aware of them) tend to be frenetic and unfocused. Now that I am feeling better, perhaps my subconscious will calm down again.

I do like that song...