Washington Post

I was in a town in Washington - or possibly Canada. I tried to explain my location to a woman on a phone, and when I looked at the map I had gone north into Canada, but there was a line on the map which said "No Record Beyond this Point". I had gone west through Canada, and the state of Washington was blinking on the map, but I wasn't confident that I was there.

I was at a house, and Matt Damon, Zoe Deschanel, and Darren Criss were around. The house was suburban, and there was a pool in back. The whole thing had an air of incompleteness about it. It was a property, but not a home. I had traveled to this place to write. I was working in an office occasionally? Or at least, I was occasionally in a sort of office building. I got a letter from a woman, handwritten and on some sort of napkin, saying that she wanted to publish my book on female gamers and would offer me a healthy paycheck. Then she called. I was walking around the town, trying to make sense of what she was saying and not sound too happy. I reflected on my book, on my essays, and what still needed to be done. I could not believe that she was going to pay me for a book I had not finished.

When we hung up, I wanted to surprise everyone, so I didn't say anything. Later, at a table by the pool, I announced that I was going to have my book published by...I think I said something like P.T. Waterly? I can't remember. Then Mitch (actor friend), burst out laughing at the name of the publisher. He was making fun of me, and I was crushed that his first response was to laugh at me. Darren Criss gave me a hug, but I didn't feel better. I fell into a sadness because the first reaction was to make fun of my project.

****

This is the second dream in recent memory where I've felt ridiculed by actors I know, even though I don't think of them with animosity.

I do actually have such a book in the making - but it's not very good. I don't think my style is engaging enough - but that would be news for a different sort of blog.

Battleships and Blades

In fragmented pieces, and in no particular order:

Dad, nephew and I were on a ship - either a cruise ship or a military ship. We were all sitting out of a table. The weather was clear and we were in a sort of bay. Suddenly, the ship listed to the side. I looked out the window and saw the sea rising up to meet us, and the horizon line tipped diagonally. "Uh oh," Dad mumbled, as everything tipped and the water seemed to be above us for somehow. "Grab onto me," I ordered my nephew, and he did just as everything went dark.

Then we were outside the ship, floating in the water. Not sure how we got there. Another wave was hitting another boat. There were people nearby on a smaller boat, who offered to get us out. I can't remember why, but I was still in the water (don't remember if nephew was with me). There were swells further out on the water. Along the coast, there seemed to be some sort of fire or fight going on, like a war.

****

There was a series of large metal tubes and wires and gears, like along a factory. They were tinted red and there was fire below. Antonio Banderas and Peter Sarsgaard were having a sword fight in 18th century garb. Peter's character was angry because Antonio's character (who was in possession of a couple very fine white masks with black swirls on them) had wasted all their gold and had not accomplished the mission. There were flashbacks to a masquerade party, and a spy network. They fought back and forth, and Peter chased Antonio all over, though eventually they both lost interest in fighting. At some point - I can't remember if it was before or after the fight - they were joined by Alan Cummings, also in period garb. Alan was a dandy - he was there to stop them from fighting and be generally useless.

****

The camera panned up from this? Anyways I knew that if we were going to win the fight, we had to see what the enemy was doing. I was buying machines and fighters - the whole map went into view like a video game, and I was a small ship flying over the enemy metropolis. They had turrets and lots of mechanical robots which had two giant feet and a sort of domed top. "Too many walkers," I thought, and tried to buy some more units at my city. The enemy city tried to shoot down my airplane, but they missed.

****

Space - we were floating in space, holding onto a satellite thing. I think I was punishing some teenagers for being disrespectful of some nuns? I can't remember, as this was the fuzziest part of the dream. I just seem to recall the sensation of being where there was no air, and floating around.

****

This is the second dream in a row where I've dreamed of protecting my nephew. Two days ago I had a "Hunger Games" dream where I protected him from a jeep full of snakes, while letting my sister and other people float down a river without saving them.

Hillbilly Hollywood Wedding

I dreamed I was at some sort of rural barn/dance hall. Inside was brown and there was a dirt floor. There were folded wooden chairs in haphazard lines, and no decorations that I recall. I was getting married, except I was in an ugly blue gown that only came to my knees and it was made out of blue velveteen or terrycloth - I felt truly trashy in it. The blue was faded like a towel that had been through too many washes. Looking down, I saw that I wasn't even wearing heels - instead, I was wearing slouchy sock/boots of the same horrible blue material. There was a giant empty barrel in a corner the size of a swimming pool.

I kept leaving, even though it was my wedding, to stand in an adjoining room, alone. I didn't know what I was doing there - I was so confused, and generally felt unhappy. My mother came in, and she seemed concerned. Why was I stalling at my own wedding? she seemed to ask. I wanted her to make things better somehow, but I knew she couldn't. The guests were getting anxious. I lied and said I was fine. I forced myself to smile, and walked back out. This sequence repeated, except sometimes I was alone in the room, and sometimes there were strangers there.

The groom was not familiar to me. I thought I knew him from somewhere - but he wasn't the right man. I thought I was being forced to marry a teenage boy - from the nearby village, but this man was much older than me, with reddish hair. As I stood there, staring at him, I realized I couldn't say my vows because I couldn't remember his name. He stared at me, impatient. My mind was racing. Suddenly, I realized who he was.

"You're Conan...O'Brien!" I said, shocked. Why was I marrying a celebrity? And why wasn't I happy - I was going to be rich, and I was leaving the dirt behind? He was reading his vows from a red teleprompter, but he was running late for his show because I kept leaving the wedding. "Just skip to the end? Sum up?" I suggested, and he did, saying something about a fulfilling and enduring love. "That...was actually very beautiful," I said, giving him a hug. I hadn't expected anything that nice. He just sort of up and left then, to catch a helicopter. The celebration seemed unreal, as though people were unsure if they should celebrate. I was unsure myself. I kept telling myself to be happy, that I was getting something worthwhile, but really I felt bland and a little sad. I could not believe that I had gone through with it.

Throughout this dream, there was a sort of cutaway of young boys running around the interior of the church/barn/dance hall place. And there was a large man sitting in one of the chairs, with big red sideburns on his face.



******


I don't recall ever dreaming of a wedding - and what an unpleasant way to wake up, feeling as though I'd forced myself to do something that wasn't going to make me happy, for no apparent reason. And I don't usually dream about Mom - I wonder what I was trying to tell myself by having her show up?

I do know that I had this dream while I was supposed to be in a place of self-reflection and peace. My mind refused to unwind itself, and what sleep I did get was restless and full of internal noise. I was surrounded by calm, and my internal self rebelled against grace and stillness. I guess that would technically make this dream a nightmare - since it was a revulsion of the self. Either that, or my subconscious was desperately trying to show me how my mind has become a horrible place that needs re-evaluation, since there was a lot of symbolism in this dream, now that I look at it.

Viva

I was in a casino with friends. It was an older feeling casino - yellowish lighting and deep red carpets. The machines were a mix of old and new pieces. We wandered around, and I put some money in a slot machine. I bet the maximum, and won $88. I was very happy, and then decided to play again, this time betting only pennies so I could play longer. I won $.74 or $.21 and rolled again. This time, I didn't win, and on the fourth reel a symbol appeared, and a voice said, "And now you lose everything." And all my money went away. I was crushed.

----

Who cares what else happened? My brain apparently doesn't want me gambling in the near future.

Those Nefarious Keebler Elves...(A naptime dream)

I dreamed I was supposed to be teaching a Kindergarten class about the state of New York, but did not know how to do so. I was trying to cut a giant sponge board into the shape of New York. Then Gwyneth Paltrow showed up and convinced me to come with her - that she knew how to find out where the information was. Whether this was about the class I don't remember.

We wound up in a tall white skyscraper with a big red logo. I was carrying my violin and a messenger bag and my purse, and talked to the secretary at the desk about having an appointment. She didn't seem convinced, so we distracted her and then sneaked into the office. Paltrow started rifling through papers, but I was worried about getting caught. So I went back to the secretary's area to talk to her some more. Then the head guy came in, and he had Gwyneth arrested. She smiled as they took her away, leaving me feeling very exposed. I walked back in and pretended like the whole thing was a misunderstanding. The people in the office seemed very friendly to me and let me collect my things. I was getting really flustered, and gave a lot of excuses.

Then there were police in hospital masks heading to the parking area. Apparently there was some really suspicious behavior going on. When I could, I went to look at the security camera. The guards were surrounding a talking blue car, and standing on the hood of the car was the Keebler elf. He was trying to give them cookies, but they didn't believe him.

I used this distraction to get all my stuff together so I could escape. Except I seemed to have more and more things. I grabbed my bag, and my purse, and then I grabbed my violin case, and a big blue bear, and another violin case. I realized I had too many violins in the outside area, and tried to figure out how to put the man's violin back. Only now there were three violins, and the bows got mixed up and I couldn't tell which violin went in which case. I was getting really scared about how much time was going by. They'd figure out I didn't belong there any second.

Except every time I looked up, everyone seemed distracted by the Keebler elf guy on the car - not the talking car, mind. That was being ignored. It was just the elf, spouting a lot of catchphrases.

Apocalypse H20

I dreamed I was high above the world in a sort of building or ship. There were massive storms all across the globe. This man (or woman?) kept yelling at me, telling me it was all my fault that things were as bad as they are. I think in the dream I assumed this person meant all of humanity, but I was being singled out for some reason. They railed about global warming and the destruction of everything.

I was put 5000 feet below the ocean, where there were mountains and for some reason the light still penetrated at that depth. Before me was a graph, illustrating how high water levels had risen. This information was expressed with bullet points that were in fact clip art shark pictures. The voice was still angry, but I was more worried because I didn't like being so deep in the water with all the sharks swimming about. At this point, the clip art sharks had turned real and were swimming around me.

"And look at what happened here! Those underwater peaks used to be the tallest mountains in the world!" I felt compelled to look at the mountains more closely. Above the water, they had snow on them.

"Oh yeah," I said thoughtfully - it made me think of the movie 2012.

Then I was back up in the sky. The lecture continued.

Then, I was in a small airplane, under one of the storms. The pilot and co-pilot to take off even though there was bad weather. I was scared as we flew through the lightning and the torrential rain, and then we were falling out of the sky. Part of me was not surprised, since it was only a little two engine civilian plane. But the pilots looked for somewhere to land, and we sort of drifted into what I think was an aqueduct, swollen with water. A giant wave pushed us forward as we landed, and the plane started to break apart. We all scrambled to get out...

******

This dream woke me up at 4:30am. I'm not sure what to take from it, other than global warming is bad, and planes shouldn't take off during apocalyptic thunderstorms. I have dreamed of the end of the world before, maybe three times.

I wonder if the swirling fun debate over the end of the world this year (2012 -like the movie my subconscious referenced) had any influence over this one?

Catching Up - and Death

I imagine a good new year's resolution would be to remember to remember to write my dreams down here...


Here's a recent one:

I dreamed I was to be hung. I apparently had murdered someone. As the time for my execution drew closer, I kept wondering why no one was visiting me. I was innocent - where were my friends? I had two family members sort of hovering in my vicinity. The only people who came to console me were three teenage-ish boys, who knew my brother but were not particularly close to me. One hugged me and cried.

I had to walk a large spiral ramp that lay along the inside of a building, so that the scaffold was at the top of the large spiral incline. As I walked, I kept waiting to be pardoned. Surely, somehow they'd find out I was innocent, and let me go. There were crowds of people, sort of moving around me, and stores. It was like I was in a shopping center. There was also an auto-wrecking yard off in the distance, but I could see it close up in my mind's eye.

We got to the scaffold. The noose was waiting, but then everything started moving in slow motion. There was a sense of anticipation, which then melted away to a great lethargic lack of energy. I looked around, but the whole place was deserted, except for me, standing there waiting to be hung. Then the energy of the dream shifted, and I was not myself, but something moving through the piles of rusted cars and broken buildings.


*****



Here's another one:

I dreamed that the only way to get through a building was to appease a giant octopus. It sat, sort of, writhing and slapping things and being slimy and disgusting. So I started throwing shredded chicken to it, which it ate. In the dream, all I could see was an up-close shot of the beak and underside of the octopus. It was pretty disgusting - I remember wishing it didn't look so much like female anatomy.

On the other side, however, was a toy crane game and a sort of arcade, and fountains. This seemed to make me feel better.