Hillbilly Hollywood Wedding

I dreamed I was at some sort of rural barn/dance hall. Inside was brown and there was a dirt floor. There were folded wooden chairs in haphazard lines, and no decorations that I recall. I was getting married, except I was in an ugly blue gown that only came to my knees and it was made out of blue velveteen or terrycloth - I felt truly trashy in it. The blue was faded like a towel that had been through too many washes. Looking down, I saw that I wasn't even wearing heels - instead, I was wearing slouchy sock/boots of the same horrible blue material. There was a giant empty barrel in a corner the size of a swimming pool.

I kept leaving, even though it was my wedding, to stand in an adjoining room, alone. I didn't know what I was doing there - I was so confused, and generally felt unhappy. My mother came in, and she seemed concerned. Why was I stalling at my own wedding? she seemed to ask. I wanted her to make things better somehow, but I knew she couldn't. The guests were getting anxious. I lied and said I was fine. I forced myself to smile, and walked back out. This sequence repeated, except sometimes I was alone in the room, and sometimes there were strangers there.

The groom was not familiar to me. I thought I knew him from somewhere - but he wasn't the right man. I thought I was being forced to marry a teenage boy - from the nearby village, but this man was much older than me, with reddish hair. As I stood there, staring at him, I realized I couldn't say my vows because I couldn't remember his name. He stared at me, impatient. My mind was racing. Suddenly, I realized who he was.

"You're Conan...O'Brien!" I said, shocked. Why was I marrying a celebrity? And why wasn't I happy - I was going to be rich, and I was leaving the dirt behind? He was reading his vows from a red teleprompter, but he was running late for his show because I kept leaving the wedding. "Just skip to the end? Sum up?" I suggested, and he did, saying something about a fulfilling and enduring love. "That...was actually very beautiful," I said, giving him a hug. I hadn't expected anything that nice. He just sort of up and left then, to catch a helicopter. The celebration seemed unreal, as though people were unsure if they should celebrate. I was unsure myself. I kept telling myself to be happy, that I was getting something worthwhile, but really I felt bland and a little sad. I could not believe that I had gone through with it.

Throughout this dream, there was a sort of cutaway of young boys running around the interior of the church/barn/dance hall place. And there was a large man sitting in one of the chairs, with big red sideburns on his face.



******


I don't recall ever dreaming of a wedding - and what an unpleasant way to wake up, feeling as though I'd forced myself to do something that wasn't going to make me happy, for no apparent reason. And I don't usually dream about Mom - I wonder what I was trying to tell myself by having her show up?

I do know that I had this dream while I was supposed to be in a place of self-reflection and peace. My mind refused to unwind itself, and what sleep I did get was restless and full of internal noise. I was surrounded by calm, and my internal self rebelled against grace and stillness. I guess that would technically make this dream a nightmare - since it was a revulsion of the self. Either that, or my subconscious was desperately trying to show me how my mind has become a horrible place that needs re-evaluation, since there was a lot of symbolism in this dream, now that I look at it.

Viva

I was in a casino with friends. It was an older feeling casino - yellowish lighting and deep red carpets. The machines were a mix of old and new pieces. We wandered around, and I put some money in a slot machine. I bet the maximum, and won $88. I was very happy, and then decided to play again, this time betting only pennies so I could play longer. I won $.74 or $.21 and rolled again. This time, I didn't win, and on the fourth reel a symbol appeared, and a voice said, "And now you lose everything." And all my money went away. I was crushed.

----

Who cares what else happened? My brain apparently doesn't want me gambling in the near future.

Those Nefarious Keebler Elves...(A naptime dream)

I dreamed I was supposed to be teaching a Kindergarten class about the state of New York, but did not know how to do so. I was trying to cut a giant sponge board into the shape of New York. Then Gwyneth Paltrow showed up and convinced me to come with her - that she knew how to find out where the information was. Whether this was about the class I don't remember.

We wound up in a tall white skyscraper with a big red logo. I was carrying my violin and a messenger bag and my purse, and talked to the secretary at the desk about having an appointment. She didn't seem convinced, so we distracted her and then sneaked into the office. Paltrow started rifling through papers, but I was worried about getting caught. So I went back to the secretary's area to talk to her some more. Then the head guy came in, and he had Gwyneth arrested. She smiled as they took her away, leaving me feeling very exposed. I walked back in and pretended like the whole thing was a misunderstanding. The people in the office seemed very friendly to me and let me collect my things. I was getting really flustered, and gave a lot of excuses.

Then there were police in hospital masks heading to the parking area. Apparently there was some really suspicious behavior going on. When I could, I went to look at the security camera. The guards were surrounding a talking blue car, and standing on the hood of the car was the Keebler elf. He was trying to give them cookies, but they didn't believe him.

I used this distraction to get all my stuff together so I could escape. Except I seemed to have more and more things. I grabbed my bag, and my purse, and then I grabbed my violin case, and a big blue bear, and another violin case. I realized I had too many violins in the outside area, and tried to figure out how to put the man's violin back. Only now there were three violins, and the bows got mixed up and I couldn't tell which violin went in which case. I was getting really scared about how much time was going by. They'd figure out I didn't belong there any second.

Except every time I looked up, everyone seemed distracted by the Keebler elf guy on the car - not the talking car, mind. That was being ignored. It was just the elf, spouting a lot of catchphrases.

Apocalypse H20

I dreamed I was high above the world in a sort of building or ship. There were massive storms all across the globe. This man (or woman?) kept yelling at me, telling me it was all my fault that things were as bad as they are. I think in the dream I assumed this person meant all of humanity, but I was being singled out for some reason. They railed about global warming and the destruction of everything.

I was put 5000 feet below the ocean, where there were mountains and for some reason the light still penetrated at that depth. Before me was a graph, illustrating how high water levels had risen. This information was expressed with bullet points that were in fact clip art shark pictures. The voice was still angry, but I was more worried because I didn't like being so deep in the water with all the sharks swimming about. At this point, the clip art sharks had turned real and were swimming around me.

"And look at what happened here! Those underwater peaks used to be the tallest mountains in the world!" I felt compelled to look at the mountains more closely. Above the water, they had snow on them.

"Oh yeah," I said thoughtfully - it made me think of the movie 2012.

Then I was back up in the sky. The lecture continued.

Then, I was in a small airplane, under one of the storms. The pilot and co-pilot to take off even though there was bad weather. I was scared as we flew through the lightning and the torrential rain, and then we were falling out of the sky. Part of me was not surprised, since it was only a little two engine civilian plane. But the pilots looked for somewhere to land, and we sort of drifted into what I think was an aqueduct, swollen with water. A giant wave pushed us forward as we landed, and the plane started to break apart. We all scrambled to get out...

******

This dream woke me up at 4:30am. I'm not sure what to take from it, other than global warming is bad, and planes shouldn't take off during apocalyptic thunderstorms. I have dreamed of the end of the world before, maybe three times.

I wonder if the swirling fun debate over the end of the world this year (2012 -like the movie my subconscious referenced) had any influence over this one?

Catching Up - and Death

I imagine a good new year's resolution would be to remember to remember to write my dreams down here...


Here's a recent one:

I dreamed I was to be hung. I apparently had murdered someone. As the time for my execution drew closer, I kept wondering why no one was visiting me. I was innocent - where were my friends? I had two family members sort of hovering in my vicinity. The only people who came to console me were three teenage-ish boys, who knew my brother but were not particularly close to me. One hugged me and cried.

I had to walk a large spiral ramp that lay along the inside of a building, so that the scaffold was at the top of the large spiral incline. As I walked, I kept waiting to be pardoned. Surely, somehow they'd find out I was innocent, and let me go. There were crowds of people, sort of moving around me, and stores. It was like I was in a shopping center. There was also an auto-wrecking yard off in the distance, but I could see it close up in my mind's eye.

We got to the scaffold. The noose was waiting, but then everything started moving in slow motion. There was a sense of anticipation, which then melted away to a great lethargic lack of energy. I looked around, but the whole place was deserted, except for me, standing there waiting to be hung. Then the energy of the dream shifted, and I was not myself, but something moving through the piles of rusted cars and broken buildings.


*****



Here's another one:

I dreamed that the only way to get through a building was to appease a giant octopus. It sat, sort of, writhing and slapping things and being slimy and disgusting. So I started throwing shredded chicken to it, which it ate. In the dream, all I could see was an up-close shot of the beak and underside of the octopus. It was pretty disgusting - I remember wishing it didn't look so much like female anatomy.

On the other side, however, was a toy crane game and a sort of arcade, and fountains. This seemed to make me feel better.

The Tudors - Sex and Trolley cars

This dream started in an outside casino I think. D. was there, and I wanted to play a slot machine. So he went and sat at a long cafeteria table nearby. I was in a full Elizabethan dress, as were everyone else. A king came by, and picked D. up. He was laughing and joking, and D. brought him over to me. I bowed, and we all joked around. I think the King invited me somewhere - to a party. I needed him to make something for D. - I believe I wanted him to make either a school or a shelter.

- There's a hazy bit where I think there was a deep swimming pool...someone was either swimming or drowning. I just sense that there was water and movement...-

Then I was on a very steep hill, in a setting which looked like San Francisco. I was in what appeared to be a trolley car, or it might have been a horse drawn carriage without the horses. I had to work a lot of levers and wheels to keep the trolley car moving, and I had to do all these acrobatic moves to get from one end of the trolley car to the other. I was scared we'd go over the side of the hill. I looked behind me, and there was a collection of people (still in period garb), who weren't helping. I yelled at them to help me, but they laughed at me and were really sarcastic. This continued for some time - I told them we'd fall, but they started mimicking me. I told them we needed to help the children, but they were still rude. So I swore at them, and leapt off the trolley car ??? or I dismantled one of the cars and went the rest of the way myself.

At the top of the hill, I saw medieval London on the other side. There were horse-drawn carriages, and everything was flat. There were large flat pools on the ground, and the streets were wide and white. I couldn't see the castle as I went down the hill, but when I got to the bottom I could see it, low on the horizon. The sun had set and it was dark. There was a moon - or something because everything was navy blue but illuminated.

I was looking for the king, because I needed for him to help create the children's school. I saw a man sitting on a throne, but it was Brendon (Henry Cavill). I saw the man who played Cromwell (James Frain), walking through the pale white streets, followed by an entourage of men in black robes. I avoided him. I was walking between two still pools, when I saw the King (Jonathan Rhys Meyers), diving into one and swimming. I was nervous about getting his attention - how could I get him to talk to me, when he was so busy? So I started to spin around and dance. I remember seeing myself briefly - I had elbow length navy satin gloves, a steel grey gown, and a dark cloak on. I twisted my arms about as I spun. I felt very graceful, and everything felt beautiful.

I could feel eyes on me. As I turned, I saw the King coming towards me, waving his two attendants away. He grabbed me and kissed me. Part of me wanted to stop and tell him why I was there, but I didn't. The scene switched, and we were in a rich bed, making out. There was even a fire in the fireplace (ultimate cliche!) Then I told him why I was there - and at first he seemed unimpressed with my proposal, but then he said he would do as I asked. So we had passionate sex. Afterwards, we lay there making small talk, and he quoted Shakespeare to me - something from "Much Ado about Nothing" or "Twelfth Night" I think. I wanted to reply with a quote from "Henry V" - except he warned me that he did not want to be reminded of his shortcomings. I recited the bit about not retreating from battle - "we are but warriors for the working day..." etc. He seemed happy with this. So we had sex again. Throughout this sequence, I was aware that he probably did not consider me that different from all his other lovers, but that did not seem to matter. He was intrigued by me, and that was what I wanted.

*******

Two things:

1. It is never comfortable for me to address my more physical dreams like this - how much detail is too much detail? How much is too little? For example, I remember a lot more detail from this dream, but I don't really want to put it into words, because then it'll read smutty. Which, I guess it was, but not really. The dream sequence did not feel smutty. And writing the pillow talk down would make me feel ridiculous.

2. I don't know why my subconscious keeps going to "The Tudors." I liked the series, but I was so disenchanted with the historically correct treatment of women as disposable objects. And my current celebrity crushes do not include Jonathan Rhys-Meyers, yet he's made more than one appearance in my dreams.

Fishing and Fighting

I: I was by a big freshwater lake, fishing. Or other people were fishing, and I was around. Eating flaky white fish. P. was there, and I was angry with him. He was acting like he didn't notice, which only made me angrier. I tried to move away from him, but he kept showing up, asking me to do things for him. I grabbed him, and we started fighting. He got me in a headlock, so I gauged his face, so he punched me. We were angry and arguing. I called him selfish. Then we were eating fish again, picking it off the bones because the fish weren't filleted.

II: Nearby to this, there was a sort of mall/parking garage thing, and there was an airport-style restaurant - that is, really overpriced. I was hungry, and wanted a red meat sandwich with ground mustard, but they were asking twenty dollars for it, and I thought that was far too much.

III: Dad and I were walking through a mall. I saw Mom waiting a table at a coffee house restaurant. She was serving a two-top. Dad or I commented that she was one of the best (maybe?) and that we shouldn't bother her while she was busy. She looked over and smiled at us, and she poured dad a cup of coffee in a clear glass mug, except the coffee looked almost golden in color, or maybe redder, like mulled wine. Above us, there were Christmas decorations - red garlands and amber crystal snowflakes.

IV: The haziest part: There was some sort of third person story going on. There was a tiny woman in a polka dotted dress. She was plotting revenge on someone in the mall, but it felt really comical, like there was a laugh track that was going to be put in. She wanted to find...???...that was in a big floating blimp above the mall, but she was stuck by the toy grab games. Eventually, she realized that it was all a big misunderstanding, and everyone in her storyline seemed much happier. I think there was pasta.

*****

This dream was full of people, and food! I usually don't dream of crowded places, or at least of crowds where I am a part of them. Usually I am separate from a crowd in my dream, but here everything was bustling. And the food imagery permeated everything, which makes me think that I might be really hungry right now.